What's a plantain?...

Plantago

Unless you are Celtic, not the basketball team, or a Druid this is a weed.  However, if you are Celtic or a Druid this is a plant with powerful properties.  It is not a "Plantain" it is properly a "Plantago" which is described by Wikipedia thus: 

The herb is an astringent, anti-toxic, antimicrobial, anti-inflammatory, anti-histamine, as well as demulcent, expectorant, styptic, and diuretic.  Externally, a poultice of the leaves is useful for insect bites, poison-ivy rashes, minor sores and boils.  In folklore it is even claimed to be able to cure snakebite.  Internally, it is used for coughs and bronchitis, as a tea, tincture, or syrup.  The broad leaved varieties are  sometimes used as a leaf vegetable for salads, green sauce, et cetera.

Plantain seed husks expand and become mucilaginous when wet, especially those of P. psyllium, which is used in common over-the-counter bulk laxative and fiber supplement products such as Metamucil. P. psyllium seed is useful for constipation, irritable bowel syndrome, dietary fiber supplementation and diverticular disease. 

Those Druid types were pretty clever.  While the Christians were calling them weeds and suffering from massive cases of the oozies, and calling them "God's revenge on the unholy", the Druids and their fellow Celts were having clean breaks in the forest.  The Druids, being advisors and the like, certainly used their understanding of the power of common herbs to impress their grubby kin folk  who were living in dirt huts and wearing skirts.  No doubt they also figured out the true use an large plant with 5 leaves, you know the one you pick, dry and smoke.  Now that would be really form the basis for a really impressive magical feat.  

After a bout of smoking that stuff a royal case of the  munchies would ensue;  the resulting engorging on tasty local fare such as goat entrails mixed with barley and spices then baked in the stomach of the self same goat, would produce a predictable outcome.  In short order after feasting said Haggis the plantain would be a miracle cure for an epic case of the oozies.  Pretty clever those Druids - until the Romans arrived.
 

It's a Plantain

Banana to you.  Useful for all sorts of yummie things and when boiled, baked or fried it is extensively utilized in Latin American Cuisine.   Indigenous to this area of the America's it's name has also been used to define the peculiar nature of the politics in small countries, particularly in Latin America, which are politically corrupt and rely on a strong man, often a military type, to run the place.  

With this years election It may be appropriate to tie this particular political denigration to the politics of the world's only remaining "Super Power" as we seem to be earning the dubious title - "The Banana Republic of America", or in Spanish, "República del plátano de Estados Unidos."

Thus, you now know the origin of , "The Glorious Army of the Plantain Republic of Nuevo Mexorado."

Lighten up - it's just a tiny bit of humor.......